Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Unstoppable

Author's Note: This is the third installment of the recent story I have been writing. I am trying to put metaphors in my writing. I am also trying to purposely write the four different sentence types.

Together they were unstoppable, except, they didn't know it yet. Hito had one more discovery to make until they could truly realize this. Hito still needed the help of one person to discover this. This person was somebody he never would've guessed.

It took mere minutes for Hito and Anita to become friends. They got along like best friends who had known each other for a long time. Anita had to show Hito around the house so he could know where everything was, and so he never got lost. Hito thought that this was the most amazing and magical house he had ever been in. When he got to his room, Hito's mind was blown. The walls were snow white, and they seemed to glow. A king size bed that looked to Hito like it was really fitted for a king sat against the far wall. Against the opposite wall was a gigantic flat screen TV. Hito was surprised that their was such a big TV, he had never seen one before. Underground they were a rarity, because it's hard to get a good signal. The wall facing the door had a ginormous cabinet with a large mirror on the front. After a few minutes of Hito staring amazingly into his room, Anita got worried, and lead him out. When she brought him back downstairs, she went back to the dining room. Shilleve was sitting at the head of the table, sipping a glass of wine.

"Hito sit down, we have important matters to discuss. Anita, you are dismissed to go to your room and work on your exercises. When you are done, you may do whatever you like, but do not disturb us," Shilleve commanded. Anita hurried out of the room and went up the stairs. After a few seconds Shilleve stood up. "Please sit down. Is there anything you would like to drink?" Shilleve asked. Hito shook his head and quietly sat down. Shilleve got another glass of wine and sat down. "Before I say anything else, I must tell you this, Hito, do not be surprised by what I am about to say. Hito you have a power locked inside of you that no human being on Earth has had before. The Force is inside you, and I will help you unlock it."

1 comment:

  1. You are doing a really nice job of composing the dialog. Sentence structure variety is good, but take a look at the length of your sentences; they are too close to the same length. For a new goal, consider having a greater difference in sentence lengths.

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